How Not to Date an Alien Read online

  The air was crisp and clean and smelled vaguely of lemons, vanilla, and musk, Valan’s personal scent. It was tantalizing and addictive, and sensual as hell.

  “Your ship?” she asked as Valan placed her on her feet.

  “The bed chamber,” he purred, licking his lips and running his hands in a proprietary fashion over her.

  “So…” She trailed off as he lifted her again and placed her on her back in the center of the pillow pile.

  “So, we rest here and recover from the sexual acts I am about to perform on you.” He licked at her neck. “And then we go to Yanta Prime and see if we can find an intersexed Primean to satisfy us both at the same time.”

  And, strangely enough, that sounded just fine to her.

  Epilogue

  If your alien manages to kidnap you, trust me, the best way to get help is by written communication. I am quite sure that your aliens, as advanced as they are, cannot pick up the complicated and contrary beauty that is the English language. Write a help letter, and your friends will race to the rescue. And if all else fails, write a letter warning people of your plight, so that they can be prepared to stop the alien menace the next time they invade!

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  “Lena, did you get your postcard?” Se babbled excitedly over the phone.

  “Yes.” Lena blew out a shock d breath. “And I can’t believe that she did it.”

  “Yeah,” Se chuckled. “She said she got kidnapped by her alien and that she was never coming back. Isn’t it romantic?”

  “I don’t know,” Lena mused. “I mean, what do we know about the guy? Nothing but the fact that he was into kinky sex and loved to eat her out… Never mind,” Lena groused. “What was I thinking? I hope she’s having fun.”

  “I’m glad she wrote us to let us know what was happening,” Se added.

  “Otherwise, we might have worried. But she needs this in her life right now. She always said that if she got to chance to run away with someone who really loved her she would. And I don’t blame her. Her ex was an abusive ass. Besides, she says here that if she doesn’t return, she left her car to me and her bank accounts to little Tuesday. If she were really kidnapped, she never would have time to set all that up. Her kinky German must be loaded.”

  “Well, Germany is one of the richest countries, even in this economy,” Lena conceded. “And you know what they say…”

  “Germans,” they chorused together, “make good stuff!”

  “Look,” Se squealed excitedly. “She said that more aliens were on the way. I wonder if Valan has a brother…?”

  And a few blocks away…

  “Oh!” Robert gasped, staring at the tall, pale man standing on his doorstep.

  “I believe my brother told you to expect my call?” he asked, his eyes a solid black, just like the tasty customer who had verbally pleased him a while back. Robert recalled giving the man his card to pass on to his brother, but he never thought anything would come of it after a few weeks of silence.

  But now, standing on his doorstep was the man’s near clone. The only difference Robert could see between the brothers was that this one had a mysterious gold tint to his skin, unlike Valan’s silver.

  “I am an alien, you understand,” he offered.

  “Foreign visitor,” Robert grinned. “Alien is so sci-fi, and is not terribly polite.”

  As if expecting that bit of language correction, Vanta nodded. “I am here for the hunt,” he purred, licking his lips with his forked tongue.

  “Sweet Jesus,” Robert gasped, his legs trembling as he stared in open-mouthed awe at the man leering at him.

  “I’ve come to eat you, Robert.” He took a step forward, tossing a deliciously long, black plait behind his head as he moved to enter his apartment. “Any last words?”

  “Bon —” he gasped, holding onto the doorjamb in an effort to keep himself upright. He slid back, inviting the tall, pale German into his home. “Bon appetit!”

  The end… the invasion has begun.